I recently learned about a new source of mortal danger for my baby: the wind. Apparently, according to a family member who will not be named, the wind will steal my baby’s breath away. I learned this while we were sitting outside enjoying a beautiful spring day, and the family member holding the baby was busily trying to shield him from the pleasant, cooling breeze. Poor baby!
I didn’t remember seeing a warning about the wind in any of my baby books, so I naturally turned to the Interwebs for advice. Unfortunately, there aren’t any websites that provide advice about this wind danger, other than Yahoo! Answers. If you aren’t familiar with this very helpful website, it enables you to ask a question and then get answers from the general Interwebs public, none of whom are experts in the subject of the asked question. If you wait a few hours, you should see every possible answer to your question appear, none of which is of any help whatsoever.
I can only conclude from this lack of information that the wind danger has not yet been exhaustively studied so that the dire warnings can appear on the Today show and helpfully inform parents of this latest danger, as they were warned of the dangers of eating fresh snow. It’s only a matter of time, though. In the meantime, I’ll just make sure never to take my baby outside again.
Until then, I am surprised no one has marketed this product yet: the Baby Bubble™. Gauranteed to protect your infant from all dangers, including gusts of wind, every possible germ, sex and violence on TV, and hurtful words. Also available in toddler, child and teenager size. (Product is not responsible for overly dependent adults lacking self confidence and unable to function in the real world.)